Changes
I have the David Bowie song of the same name playing in my head as I write, so do feel free to listen to that track.
On the 10th April, 10 years ago, I made my last commute into Inverness before starting a year’s contract as a community outreach worker. Switching to work in the third sector was one one of the best things I ever did. It came about after a stressful time in my life, in the late 90’s/ early 2000’s, with a diagnosis of a brain tumour (benign, but still pesky) being burnt out at work and with my marriage on the rocks. It was a tough few years, which saw my salary halve overnight, but my self-esteem and enjoyment of life increase a million fold.
Change is tough. It isn’t always good and it is rarely easy. I didn’t appreciate trite memes about how change is good and necessary. I was isolated and struggling, despite having good friends and family. It took determination and hard work to turn a bad situation good. I am forever grateful to the organisation that took a punt on me to set up and run their children and young people’s advocacy project. It remains one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done and I would still be there now, probably, if more change hadn’t put itself in my way.
The next change was pretty major. A move to the Scottish Highlands from the deep south of England. I had no job to go to and a rented property I’d not even seen - no wonder my family thought I’d lost the plot! The person I was sharing a house with at the time - and, as it turned out later, my life - wanted a move away to somewhere quieter, so the Scottish Highlands was selected. It certainly ticked the boxes. We high tailed it up to Glasgow on the night of the move, driving through the night, so I could attend an interview the following morning. I must have looked a state having washed in a service station and changed in the car, but thankfully it didn’t put the interview panel off and I had a job offer by the time we arrived at the new house. Amazingly, in the same field - advocacy - and only 15 miles from where we were renting.
Sadly, I was made redundant - due to lack of funding - after 18 months. More change delivered and not requested! I was fortunate to get a temporary contract in the same town, working with some lovely people looking after carers and young carers. I was actively looking for something more challenging than my admin role there, having previously managed my own projects for nearly 6 years. So, when the opportunity came up to work for a mental health charity I’d previously volunteered with, I jumped at the chance. My health never really improved much that and after 4 years of commuting, I was tired of the 5am starts and decided to look for something more local than Inverness. Cue where this blog started - 10 years ago, beginning a new job based at home and focused on Dornoch and a large patch in Sutherland. It was a good fit for my skills and I enjoyed the challenge, but having to find your own salary year on year is a stressful business and I decided to follow my heart and do something I’d always wanted to do - cook for a living. So, it was all change again as I decided to strike out on my own as a self-employed cook. A change I instigated and embraced, despite the obvious uncertainties about a successful outcome.
It will be 10 years next year since I became self-employed. In that time my business has had many incarnations: cooking and delivering meals to people no longer able to make meals from scratch themselves, community market bread maker, event cook and chef and my current incarnation, home baker and occasional workshop deliverer. The changes have been necessary, largely as a result of my health deteriorating, but also, I suspect, because I like variety in what I do.
During the lockdowns in 2020 and 2021, we all had to navigate changes in our circumstances bought about by Covid. Self-employed people and the hospitality industry, amongst others, suffered really badly and has still not totally recovered. It was a tough time for most people and we’re still dealing with many of the consequences. There were some positive outcomes too, where staff of large corporations were able to work from home, often for the first time, bringing a new flexibility to the working environment. Some of this has continued and some employers have a more relaxed attitude to where their staff are based. I was unable to work - aside from delivering a few loaves to the village - and was grateful the company my husband worked for was able to keep their staff employed. To stop myself going stir- crazy, I took up painting, after an absence of many decades. It was a fun and diverting activity. I had no idea it would also become another string to my self-employed bow. I’m no Michelangelo, Cezanne, or any artist you can name; my skills, knowledge and talent are limited and yet somehow people liked what I produced and asked to buy it. At first, it was only friends and then suddenly local people were asking to buy my paintings too. My husband set up a website for me, without my knowledge, and I became someone who sells art! I’ve improved a bit and learnt a bit and feel slightly less fraudulent selling my work than I first did. Change can take us by surprise and shape a future we didn’t know we wanted. My paintings will never hang in galleries or make me a meaningful income, but they bring joy to people, I’m told, and the creating of them certainly brings joy to me.
I’ve probably teetered into the territory of the ‘dreams can come true’ blog I wrote a few weeks ago now, so I’ll conclude. Some change we seek and some change seeks us. Not all of it will be good or welcome, but all of it can be positive, ultimately, if we let ourselves be changed. I may not be a better, wiser, person, but I am not the same unhappy person, with low-self esteem, that I was 20 years ago. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose (the more things change, the more they stay the same) may be a catchy phrase for a meme and true of political structure - it’s certainly not true of people’s lives.